Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
