***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
