I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
