I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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