my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
