It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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