This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
