I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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