I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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