I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize