just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
