Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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