so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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