My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
