Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think i have two assholes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
