am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
