sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
