Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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