I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
