Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
