maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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