did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
