we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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