Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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