Someone shit on the floor
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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