You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
