Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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