So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize