He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's shark week go big or go home
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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