these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
