Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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