I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
