we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
