then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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