I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
