I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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