i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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