Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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