I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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