I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Enjoy the penises
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
