There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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