her vagine was all disorganized.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
