You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize