I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
