Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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