just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
