i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
