You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize