Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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