Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize