sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
