Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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