so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
