so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
