I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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