): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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