Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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