I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
