I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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