When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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