You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
