that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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