I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I won't apologize to a one balled man
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize