You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
