I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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