i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
