This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize