Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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